Lemme tell you, that possessed ring was the tip of the iceberg. Surfeited with creepy dolls and spell necklaces, I sought comfort in the realm of humorous food. “Give me a simple root vegetable with a willy, and I’ll be happy.”

No such luck. The owner of these “Adam and Eve carrots,” a self-employed business owner, finds that his “business has nearly doubled” since owning these carrots. Also, though they have been kept for over a year “in the confinement of the owner’s refrigerator,” they still look good as new. Which raises the question, what does it take to confine a carrot? Seriously, is it that hard?

Minimum bid, a hundred bucks.